Your Story Shared – John Calvi  Feb 2020

 

I’ve done lots of hospice work over the years.  Helping people to have as good a death as possible is a lovely, intimate, delicate work.  There’s a piece of dying that comes before, well before leaving life begins.  This is sharing the story of your life, putting the down chronology of your own journey.

 

Often those mourning are left wondering about various parts of that life, what happened and why?  We might know the particulars of a career or the dates of a marriage, but the most important part goes missing.  Why – why did so and so move from there to there?  What was going on that the study, the job became this and not this?  What are the parts we don’t know in the decision that meant an entire life turned a corner and went the way we’re familiar with?

 

For many years I’ve encouraged people to write their own obituaries.  First, I say, write a funny one, tell some tales, start some rumors, freak em out!  “She had a secret life in Europe where she was knows as the Contessa!”  Then on new paper slowly, adding bit by bit, tell them what really happened.  Tell yourself how it all went and keep telling it.  Get it down for the record. 

 

Some people start with a simple list of dates and particulars- born, parents, siblings, location, schooling, work, family life, achievements, disasters, etc.  Then they start to fill in the gaps with more detail.  That’s when it gets exciting.

 

You put down some specifics and you suddenly remember more and that gets added.  Then you begin to wonder – how did that happen?  Why was that the choice?  What was my thinking?  Who helped or got in the way?  Now we are on a path and it’s juicy.

 

Here’s the main point for me – nobody knows your life better than you.  Lots of folks saw some of it, some of those are dead now.  But nobody knows your thinking of the landscape at the time, what choices were obvious, what struggles were met with strength.

 

Each life is an amazing mandala of witness, of movement, of creating a life.  And each one is thrilling with emotional content.  Every life has pain, joy, and a story worth knowing.

 

So, what’s to be done?  Are you waiting for the doctor to recommend no green bananas?  Do those who love you know your stories?  Have you left a trace to be followed?  Your life has something to teach- that’s true no matter how you think about yourself or what others think.

 

How will you get it down?  Can you tell several stories to be recorded?  On camera?  Audio only?  A blank book full of pics with enough captions to show what happened and most importantly – how it felt?

 

Sometimes as one begins to sketch out the overview, a theme or a recurring flavor comes into a life over and over.  Is there a particular tone or issue that comes again in your life?  Was there some learning to be done and did you get a clue after several tries?  People should know that about your life.  Why?  Because it shows your essence and because people need to know what has been learned so as to help themselves to recognize better choices.

 

So, what’s it going to be?  Can you do some of this and see if it catches fire?  Do you need someone to help you?  Someone to hear the beginnings of it all?  Your life is important, a collection of books not yet written.  Can you begin?