Did It All Fall Apart Today?  John Calvi Feb 2020

 

Did it all fall apart today?  Did the worst come down on you like fire and hell and rocks all at once?  Did you ever think it would be so bad?  So awful?  So full of terrible?

 

We watch for bad things, we do.  We suspect some bad things, but never this bad, never this hard and hurtful.  We don’t expect devastation.  We don’t expect the worst and then have to live through it.

 

The hurt is so bad, it looks like there’s no safe place.  Nowhere to hide from these feelings.  No way to think about it all.  We shake our head and wonder can it really be so?  Did this really happen?  I can’t look at all of it.  Is it true?  We’ve had pain before and disappointment and close calls.  But this is a direct hit and we never saw it coming.

 

Do people live through this?  Does one go on?  How?  Don’t tell me one foot in front of the other.  Don’t tell me you know how it feels.  I don’t even know how it feels because it’s all too much.

 

Did you see this?  Did you know it was there?  I can’t imagine knowing any of this ahead.  It rips out the heart and takes your breath away and suddenly you are floating in midair with no idea how to touch earth again.

 

I can’t breath.  I can’t think. I don’t know if I can move. How does one keep going?  Are there words to know?  Will I ever see light again?  Do I want to live?

 

Here’s a glass of water.  I’ll sit with you.  Take a deep breath.  We don’t have to do anything right now.  I’m here with you.  I’ll listen.  When you’re ready to move, I’ll help you.