38th Beethoven Letter - John Calvi
Dear Friends,
I am turning 70 and celebrating 40 years in the work of helping people to heal from trauma. It’s humbling even to write this and even more humbling to know it’s all been possible due to your support. I am awash with gratitude. Thank you for this long ride together!
My education began in the rape crisis in 1982. I learned how the safety and trust I had established in pre-school classrooms was necessary for survivors. I studied the damages and recovery through body/mind work, all under a spiritual leading. In the fall of 1983, I began work in the AIDS pandemic. While outcomes were distinct, the paths were similar – how to release pain and confusion. I began work in prisons in 1985, with tortured refugees in 1988, and with ritual abuse survivors in 1991. My spiritual gift to release pain grew as my disciplines and surrender to this work increased. It’s been the adventure of my life, to learn and to teach.
Several years ago, a new type of fatigue began that was not restored by rest. Doctors found nothing to explain the fatigue/shortness of breath that was increasing each year. I had noticed that the bright Light and overwhelming rush of energy during work was no longer a flood of Light and mercy. It had decreased to a trickle, no matter my rest or other preparations. The gift that had been growing since my 20’s was now decreasing along with the capacity for an energetic life of service. Things became clear when I had a heart attack in March.
My doctors say I will recover. There was no damage to the heart muscle. But about 90% of my gift is gone. Teaching, hands-on healing, and traveling in many states has ended for now. It’s not clear that my spiritual gift to release pain following trauma will return as my heart heals. I was a Quaker healer, but now cruising smoothly in the breakdown lane. I have not engaged in any work since August 2021 (see YouTube). All attention is to my own health.
Adjusting to this new reality, I find myself lacking grace. I’m not angry so much as bewildered and frustrated that all the patterns and routines of the past 4 decades are now set aside. What is left is my writing. This is a relief and a release. Work on a third book, a memoir, continues, though much more slowly. I often hear that I’ve helped many, some of whom I’ve never met, by describing my experiences and what I’ve learned. Writing the stories of my own healing and becoming a healer for this third book will go on, plus I’ve other books in mind.
Your support now in my later years is especially important. Income from teaching and hands-on clients is gone. Your continued gifts make for a tidy, smaller life as I do what I can from my writing desk. Thank you for your every consideration. I trust and hope that as you view the state of the world and our country, there is a place for me in your generosity and care. Thank you for that and for valuing my life’s work.
In the Light, May 2022
PS My editors for book 3 welcome your brief statements on how I’ve been of help to you.
PO Box 301 Putney VT 05346 PayPal @ johncalvi www.johncalvi.com
